my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
