Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
