remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
