Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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