I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
