Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
