i just wanna soil my oats bro
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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