I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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