Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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