dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
