I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
