the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
