You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
