FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize