allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
