Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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