Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
