just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
