worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
