Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
