Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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