You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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