Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize