once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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