dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I touched a dick in church today
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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