True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
