btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
operation harelip BJ is a go
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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