96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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