A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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