So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
