now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
