My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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