Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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