which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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