He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
