Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
