wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
