you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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