Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
