I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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