I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize