Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
