How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
