I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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