im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
