Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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