Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
