i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
