Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
