On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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