i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
