im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
where are my pants?
in the oven.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
