Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
