i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
