they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
