I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
