i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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