So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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