just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
