He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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