Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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