either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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