I'm pants shitting drunk right now
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
