be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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